i am only nineteen.

The sun.
Everyday we start with the sun.
We wake up, catch a glimpse and are blinded from the light radiating off,
We are welcomed with its warmth as we step into its present,
We admire the beauty of colors it reflects as it descends,
We rely on the growth it encourages others,
We depend on the joy it provides us.
When it is no longer attentive, we miss its being.

I want to be the sun.
I want to radiate light and brighten people’s world.
I want to give a warm welcome to those who enter my path.
I want people to admire my beauty without demanding attention.
I want people to count on me to help them grow as an individual.
I want people to be happy to be in my presence.
And I want people to miss me when they are not.

But the thing about the sun is it is done growing. I am not.

As fluffy as the analogy is, I am not the person I want to be at this time in my life.
I am difficult.
I am immature.
I am way too talkative.
I am too passionate.
I am way too free.
And I am only nineteen.

I’m not suppose to have my whole life figured out right now. I’m not suppose to be the person that takes time to develop into. I’m not suppose to be the sun yet. I’m not suppose to be grown.

I am suppose to make mistakes.
I am suppose to talk people’s ears off.
I am suppose to laugh too loud.
I am suppose to argue with my parents.
I am suppose to roam the world without a worry in the world.
I am suppose to be wild.

I am suppose to be right here at this moment.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” -Matthew 6:34


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