if you want to understand me, you open up my heart just like you read a book. starting at the beginning, but realizing the person you read about isn’t me. i’m not there anymore. i’m at the end waiting for someone(possibly you) to discover me, but that’ll take time like any other great thing in this impatient world. while reading chapter one, understand that judgement is wasted because you’re judging a person who simply does not exist. instead, find yourself with an open mind. come into this trying to piece all the small pieces revealed together, but leave room for missing pieces for i am not a finished product… yet.
have you ever stared at a blank piece of paper trying to figure out what to write? all the possibilities, the story you can give that piece of paper, but you stare at it with uncertainty of what to make one sheet. that’s how i looked at myself. i was new, i was blank, no story to tell just a story to make. a story to give myself. so i started to write… which was the beginning of my testimony. i think when we all start off, we are teased by the standards of what the world tempts us with. i was tempted with the idea of being put on earth to impress others, be better than others, or even beat others. the world has a way of taking the pen from the paper and writing a story for you. and that’s exactly where i let myself drift. into the hands of a world that would drop me within seconds, denies me forgiveness, and builds success off the failures of others. i was a part of a story the world had wrote for many of people, and to me… that was fitting in. because we all had two things in common.
the same story
the idea we were all against each other.
until you become against yourself.
a home without security.
this is the chapter we become trapped inside a while. this is where we are all swallowed by doubt and let emptiness fill us as we attempt to escape. we become a feeling without someone to feel it, a song without someone to listen to it, a home without the security needed. what happens to a home without a lock? it gets broken into. an invitation for others to come inside and take what they please and leave… leaving the home empty. eventually abandoned. but no matter how many times you try to replace something that made the house absolutely wonderful, someone is going to continue to take it until there is security. I was the home. I had so many awesome things who made me who I am/was, and I let the world take that from me. I let people made me feel like I was an abandoned house because I didn’t look the way others did, had the same interest, nothing. I let the world give me insecurities. and not a lot of people make it out of this chapter. whether you’re reading this or living this. this becomes a place to stay for those who are lonely, those who are craving to be full again. this becomes a place you close the book because you couldn’t comprehend what this chapter means in a person’s life.
the beauty of an empty, abandoned home is if the right person comes by, they can make it into something whole again.
the freezing of glaciers.
when someone takes away your sense of feeling, you work hard on becoming cold and hard. you work hard to melt all the negative feeling and freeze positive. not letting any negativity to creep in. and soon enough, a life in the ice becomes more warm than the life in the fire. you become afraid of talking about the things you love so you talk about the things you hate. you become afraid of being hurt so you laugh at other people’s pain. you become fearful in a world of unknown so you hide away in the icicles where you’re familiar with. but what happens when the sun comes out?? will you stay and fake a smile or will you be ready to go?? will you melt the glaciers? this isn’t what brave people do, but that’s because you don’t need to be. this is comfortable, this is safe. I stayed here briefly, inching my way to chapter four day by day. glaciers don’t melt in a day. this takes years guys.
but where does the water go??
watering a soul.
mother nature lives within you. you become the sun, you become the rain, you become the snow, you become the wind. you begin to grow a soul. a soul that teaches your body how to swim in the deepest oceans, a soul that stays when your body leaves, a soul that becomes rooted into the ground. the world holds you in position as you begin to grow into your own kind. and this is when the world re-enters because:
1. the world doesn’t enter an abandoned home.
2. the glaciers have melted.
the waters will climb, but your soul continues to rise. ive reached the sky on this one, feeling more and more ready to grow. grown with love, security, and forgiveness. ive become my own kind of beautiful here, taking the water from the glaciers to grow something better, taking the things I once loved and fill myself back up with them, I have a lock, and I keep the pen in my hand when it comes to writing my own.
a written plan is nothing without a person and a goal.
drifting into a place where the wind takes you because that’s what happens. you become a restless spirit who hates comfort. hates the comfort of settling in a place for too long. so you blow, and you fade to a place because new is exciting. excited to plant your roots and start over in a new place where you can fail beautifully again. fail with your heart on your sleeve. where you can say what you mean. where you can make a life for yourself instead of the world writing it for you. where the people around you fall likes leaves on the ground because that’s what the seasons are whispering to them, but you’re rising like the oceans because that’s what you’re whispering to yourself. living a story where you’re the author. and the goal? complete happiness. I love this place. this is the place where contentment is reached. how can it get any better than this?
the middle of the bridge.
i didn’t ask you in the middle of the bridge for you to love me, to cross into my future. i asked you to understand me, to know who I am, and……..