Forgiveness.

To live through God.

I have always tried to live by this; however, sometimes life challenges and emotions become my number one focus leaving my relationship with God on the back burner.

An on going life challenge that has been a struggle for me is forgiving people.

When people do not treat me the way I feel I am worthy of being treated or do not respect me the way I want, hurt feelings and resentment towards that person forms. It is even harder to forgive someone who repeats their actions. For years I have been torn between cutting people out of my life because who needs people like that in their life if they are just going to continue to hurt them? But I also consider my relationship with God. I am a terrible sinner, and without God’s forgiveness, I would not be where I am today. I am going to continue to sin everyday, and hurt God, just like others do to us, and He will continue to forgive us.

I don’t know about you, but sinning is a horrible feeling to me. Although I know I am going to be forgiven if asked, it still does not sit right with me to not give my Savior my best. Why should we not be that way with everyone else? Why should we care so much about pleasing God, and not each other? Maybe there is someone in your life that you hurt, disrespect, or do not have the best actions towards. Maybe there is someone who is having troubles forgiving you just like you may be having troubles forgiving someone else. Maybe the person that has been doing you dirty, you’ve been doing the same thing to them.

To the person I owe forgiveness to:

In your time of need, I wasn’t what you needed.
During your own pity party, I was absent.
When you invited me towards your potential accomplishments, I missed the calls.
As you needed help, I drove far, far away.
While you were crying, I was smiling.
I wasn’t there for you, just like you weren’t there for me.
All the hours and days you spent with me seem so very distant now because you’re not even there nowadays.
Rekindling a relationship takes more than just money here and there.
It takes more than supporting my success, but not my failures.
It takes more than words, it takes actions.
It takes bigger steps than that.

So heres my steps, and I hope you can follow my footprints.
Although you never apologized, I forgive you.

I forgive your disappointment.
I forgive your absence.
I forgive the embarrassment you’ve caused.

I also apologize for not being the bigger person when you couldn’t be.
I realize the same thing you have done to me, I have done to you.
I realize the person that keeps treating me unfairly, is the person I am treating unfairly.
I’m sorry for being the person, I didn’t want you to be.
How can I expect you to be perfect when I wasn’t perfect myself?

Forgiving you might just be the thing I need to forgive others because you are the main source of my skepticism. Forgiving you might just be the thing I need to grow, and the thing for you to grow.

Forgiving you will be the restoration of God being my number one, and wellness to my soul.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ~Colossians 3:13

 

 

 

Society Destroys Confidence

Self confidence is a highly difficult conviction to obtain. Especially with a society that is made to only tear you down, and a population that loves to watch it. As I said in one of my previous blogs, today’s world is full of competition and comparison. We are so so so quick to compare ourselves to individuals, often leaving us with a negative feeling or judgement towards others. Like society trains us to do. Society makes us think that we have to behave a certain way, look a certain way, and think a certain way. If someone goes against society’s beliefs they are horribly mocked and judged, leaving them with a lack of self confidence.

Living in a house with four other girls, comments about each other’s bodies are frequently heard. My sister claims she has man shoulders, my grandma is buying shirts that cover her butt because she thinks it is too big, my mom can never put an outfit on without asking for another person’s opinion, my nine year old sister is even starting to do the same. I can’t help, but blame society for every single one of these actions and comments. If it wasn’t for society burning an image of what women should look like, my family, or anyone, wouldn’t question their appearance. However, the pressure of maintaining a certain body weight to be “beautiful” destroys a person’s self confidence. It makes me incredibly sad to see pretty girls compare themselves to others, and how they believe they should look, instead of loving themselves. It makes me incredibly sad that pretty girls worry about being judged from others about their appearance, instead of believing they are pretty.

Not only are people worried about how they appear to others, they are worried about how others perceive them personally. In today’s society, people are attacked for believing in what they do and having their own opinions. We have all seen it on Facebook. I believe people should stand up for what they believe in, but people take it to a whole different level when they start disrespecting each other because they believe differently than them. So thank you society for being close minded, and making people afraid to speak their own opinions. Who can someone truly love their self when they are constantly told the way they think is incredibly wrong?¬†

So my challenge to whoever reads this,

Be more open minded to other people’s opinions. Really listen to someone, and understand their point of view. Be accepting of all body types. Since it is swim suit season, there are multiple body types you will be seeing. Make them feel like they are beautiful, try to build someone’s confidence. On the flip side, put your swim suit on with confidence, and don’t even attempt to look in the mirror. Know you are going to freaking kill it at the pool, girl. Stop comparing yourself to others. Know what you have to offer, and be so content with yourself. Be content with others. Stop asking other’s opinions of yourself, your opinion is the only opinion that matters.

To society,

You can compare me to whoever you want, you can criticize my opinions all you want, and you can judge me for who I am all you want. But I am 100% confident I don’t give a damn.

Love, Kenzie Hilzer.

The Importance of Waiting


We all have that experience when we were in third grade where we found out that¬†we had the biggest crush on someone in our classroom. We’d write them a note, and give it to them at recess asking them to check yes or no. And there you go, that’s where it all begins.¬†

We grow up with this notion that life is all about finding your person and living happily ever after. We spend years trying and hoping certain people are the ones that we are suppose to spend the rest of our lives with. We spend years trying to find someone that is going to complete us and make us “feel some type of way.” Sometimes we fail, sometimes we succeed. Sometimes we are so impatient we settle for the first person that shows a little interest in us. Sometimes we are lucky enough to wait, and hit it right on the head.

For those who are losing hope and becoming a little impatient,
Wait. Wait. Wait.
Spend your lonely nights talking to God. Spend your lonely nights not questioning God’s plans, but asking how you can become the person your person needs. Ask Him to make you a¬†wife/husband. Ask Him to take care of your person while you are unable to. However, do not settle for someone who is not going to live up to your standards or make you feel good about yourself. Do not settle for something that seems like a constant job to get them to feel the same way you feel. Do not settle for something that makes you question if you are settling.

From a personal experience, I was very discouraged in finding someone who was going to live up to my expectations because they were so high. I worked so hard to become the person I am today, and I owed it to myself to find someone who was going to accept me for who I am and make me better. I too questioned if there was really that favorite love scene from the movies in real life. However, even though I was very close at times, I never stopped trusting God and His plan for an amazing person to come into my life.

So wait. Wait for that person that stays up late to do your laundry while you are tired, that gives you a hundred thousand reasons to stay, that always reassures you how lucky you are, that has the kindest heart and best intentions for you, that never makes you question how much they would do for you, that wishes you good luck before your games, that shows you off to everyone, that is constantly asking what you’re thinking, that loves taking pictures with you, that goes to church with you, that is so extremely proud of you, that brushes your hair for you after a long day, that is constantly doing things for you with such a great attitude.

That is the kind of person everyone deserves in their life. Everyone deserves that person that makes them want to be a better person because they deserve that. Everyone deserves someone who genuinely cares just as much as you care about them.

You’re going to find someone that meets all your expectations, you’re going to meet someone that fits so perfectly in your life, you’re going to meet someone that treats you better than what you ever wanted, you’re going to meet someone, and you’re going to just know you want to keep them around for a while. You’re going to meet someone that you know God made you wait for, and you’re going to be so happy you waited.

“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him” -Lamentations 3:25

 

I am Only Nineteen


The sun.
Everyday we start with the sun.
We wake up, catch a glimpse and are blinded from the light radiating off,
We are welcomed with its warmth as we step into its present,
We admire the beauty of colors it reflects as it descends,
We rely on the growth it encourages others,
We depend on the joy it provides us.
When it is no longer attentive, we miss its being.

Confession,
I want to be the sun.
I want to radiate light and brighten people’s world.
I want to give a warm welcome to those who enter my path.
I want people to admire my beauty without demanding attention.
I want people to count on me to help them grow as an individual.
I want people to be happy to be in my presence.
And I want people to miss me when they are not.

But the thing about the sun is it is done growing. I am not.

As fluffy as the analogy is, I am not the person I want to be at this time in my life.
I am difficult.
I am immature.
I am way too talkative.
I am too passionate.
I am way too free.
And I am only nineteen.

I’m not suppose to have my whole life figured out right now. I’m not suppose to be the person that takes time to develop into. I’m not suppose to be the sun yet. I’m not suppose to be grown.

I am suppose to make mistakes.
I am suppose to talk people’s ears off.
I am suppose to laugh too loud.
I am suppose to argue with my parents.
I am suppose to roam the world without a worry in the world.
I am suppose to be wild.

I am suppose to be right here at this moment.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” -Matthew 6:34

Playing the Game for God

{Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. -Colossians 3:23-24}


As an athlete, life becomes a frequent test of your abilities to balance your priorities. While a sport consumes a great amount of time in life, it is very easy to get caught up in the game trying to do the best you can for your teammates, coaches, and fans. As an athlete, I have struggled tremendously with giving my best effort for my teammates, coaches, and fan, but not God. If I¬†don’t¬†perform to the best of my abilities, I am¬†easily angered and filled with failure. I see many athletes mention, “Play for God,” as they post that awesome sports picture on their social media or they mention, “Give all Glory to God.” But what exactly does that look like? How do you give all Glory to God when you aren’t experiencing Glory? How do you play for God?

I asked my friend these exact questions, and he replied with, “Read the bible, and you’ll figure it out.” So I searched and searched for the answer and in-depth¬†description I was hoping to come across, but came up short multiple times. I asked many other athletes, “How do you play for God?” and each were baffled by my question. It isn’t something collegiate athletes think about, I noticed. We are trained to perform at our best for each other, our school, our coach, our self, our parents, our community, and that comes with a lot of pressure. We are so caught up in winning National Championships, winning All-American, living up to our national ranking, and performing at our internal expectations we place on ourselves we forget the only One we should be playing for.

I came home from a game one day as mad as can be by my performance, and I took a moment to ask myself why was I really upset. The more and more I think about it, the more I figure out the true meaning of what playing for God means. I was so focused on my discontentment with how I performed instead of focusing on the satisfaction of the effort I always give. I was focused on how other people viewed my performance, and how I viewed my own performance which is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter how we view our performance or others because we don’t play for them. We don’t play the game for our parents, for our coaches, for our teammates. They aren’t the reason we started the sport so young and stuck with it through college. We play the game because we love the Glory that comes with it. We love the effort we put into it that rewards us in the long run. We love the accomplishments we reach. We love going through the bad times to overcome them with the good.

In the book of Colossians, a verse reads, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving”¬†(3:23-24). When I think of this verse specifically towards sports, I like to imagine the Lord with a ball cap on, His favorite baseball shirt on, sitting in a recliner, and looking down watching a good game of softball. To me, that is everything. That is enough to put forth my best effort and be satisfied in it, to appreciate the bad games because the Glory of good games will mean 10x more, to play not for myself, but for Him because He is the one that rewards me. His reward is the greatest.

So to answer the following question, “What does it look like?” To me, it looks like not letting the game get in the way of your relationship with God. Not letting the competition edge get the best of you because you are satisfied with your maximum effort performance. It’s being satisfied and content with your ability because during the off season, you worked the hardest you possibly could. It’s not letting the pressure of your teammates, fans, and coaches judging your performance get to you because you trust He is proud. It’s trusting the bad games eventually lead to the good games. It’s giving the Glory you feel when you have the good games all to Him. Acknowledging you wouldn’t have been able to do it without Him.

So work humbly in everything you do. Work silently and hard for He is the one that notices. Work for Him. Work for His rewards.

 

Dating In A Lost Generation

There is no doubt we are a part of a generation that refuses to know God or is just content with believing in Him. There is rarely any ambition to strive to follow Him as closely as possible. We think believing in Him is good enough, but are we fully doing our duties as Christians? It would be like a mother having a child to repopulate, but not taking on the responsibilities having a child demands.¬†Could this be a part of the reason why great amount of relationships fail within today’s generations?

Dating in today’s world is very difficult. Today we live in a very sensitive society. We are quickly offended while being quick to attack other people’s ideas and values. We are quick to crave love, while being completely unsatisfied with the love given to us. My english professor asked me, “What is wrong with being offended?” and then followed with, “Why do we get offended?” As I pondered and pondered this question I finally approached a theory. We are simply a society full of insecurity and immaturity. We are trying to find people to spend the rest of our¬†lives with, and contributing to the unsuccessful relationships. Instead of working on ourselves and growing, we¬†are letting the feelings of insecurities and loneliness dictate our relationships, and who we are in relationships with. Instead of putting it in God’s hands, we are trying to take matters into our own, and we are failing miserably. We are doubting God’s ability to supply us with the RIGHT person, and we fail at¬†putting Him in the center of our relationship.

I will never let loneliness drive me into the arms of someone who is just simply not for me. ¬†Everyone experiences loneliness, but if you seek God’s presence you will never be alone. During a time of loneliness is a great opportunity to have a turning point in your relationship with God! Instead of being content with praying and believing, go the extra mile, pick up a Bible, and fill yourself with knowledge about Him. Make God your passion.

I will never settle for someone who could not fulfill their part in my life as my partner. Now I am not asking someone to cater to all my needs, but if someone failed to make me want to be a better person, they just aren’t the one and I won’t try to force that upon them. Sometimes you just have to realize that someone that does everything right will come along, and you’ll know. If you question whether you’re settling or not, chances are you are. So don’t allow that to happen. Place it back into God’s hands and wait patiently, better things are coming.

I will also NEVER not place God in the center of my relationship. He is what brought us together and holds us together. We would be nothing without Him, and to not give all Glory and success to Him is extremely wrong. There are going to be times where we put God on the back burner in our relationships, but He should ALWAYS find the center. A relationship without God as the focus may be successful, but it won’t reach the full amount of compassion as its potential. If two people make God their first love and focus it stands a greater chance.

BE PATIENT. The right love will come.

But for now, sit back, sip some coffee, and let God work.

One of my favorite songs about trusting God. “Give Me Faith” by Elevation Worship.

 

{Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:12}

17 Resolutions for 2017

Here are 17 resolutions for 2017 that I personally would love to follow.

Smile. A lot.
We have tons of things to smile about even if we are going through a tough time. We have¬†God, we have life, we have happiness, and so much more.¬†However, it is up to you to realize how fortunate you are, and focus on those things that make you incredibly blessed. Smile because you woke up, smile because you have a family, smile because it’ll make someone else’s day, smile because you can.

Be kind to strangers. Be kind to people who aren’t nice to you. Be nice to everyone.
Being kind is one of the best things you can do. Everyone deserves it, even that person that isn’t the best person to you.¬†Why be mean and hurt someone’s feelings when you can be the nicest person to them and make them feel good about themselves? Everyone has a battle they’re facing, a hint of kindness can change their entire world.

Forgive everyone.
We meet tons of people throughout our lifetime, and¬†some people are going to just out right do you dirty. Forgive them. It’s so exhausting carrying around the feeling of hatred. It’s a lot harder to forgive than completely shut them out of your life and have a hatred for them. Take the harder route because the harder route rewards better.

Stay off your phone a little more than you do.
Yes, stay off your phone a little more. Go and have a conversation with the person you’re texting face to face. Go and write about that thing you’re passionate about on Twitter for the newspaper. Go and play 2k ¬†at a real¬†basketball court. Instead of being focused on your phone, have a conversation with the person right in front of you, spend time with your family, or doing something just as entertaining.

Adventure as much as you can.
The world is a big big big place, there are SO many cool¬†places visit. We are free to go anywhere we want to in this country for the most part, so go and see it! Go and see the culture of a city, go and see the character of a town, go and see the history of the world. You’d be¬†surprised at all the great memories you make and the great things you get to see.

Wake up a little earlier.
Don’t waste a second of your day.¬†You only get so many in your life, and spend it doing stuff you want to do. Don’t sleep your life away.¬†

Read a lot of good books.
For those of you who don’t like to read, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?! Reading is such a great thing, and so great for your mind! It educates you and helps your creativity. You get to imagine your own version of a movie basically. You get to get¬†lost into someone’s¬†else’s life. It’s awesome. So yes, read lots of books!!!

Drink a lot of coffee.
Drink¬†coffee because you can. It taste good and you¬†receive some energy. It’s a double win!

Step out of your comfort zone.
If you never step out of your comfort zone then you will never grow or change. It takes a few seconds of awkward tension, and then it is smooth sailing after that. It will be so worth it. The awkwardness, the experience, the reward will be so worth it. So take the chance and do it.

Say yes a lot.
Say yes to every good opportunity that comes your way. Say yes to that lunch date with your friend. Say yes to that date with the person you’re not sure about. Say yes to that opportunity to take a break from studying. Say yes to the favor your friend’s about to ask you. Be more open minded!

Go to church as much as you can.
I’ve never been to a more spiritual connecting place before in my life. Church is a place of reassurance, forgiveness, and safety. It’s a place where everyone goes and has the same pure intentions, and truly feels like a family setting. Not one person has ever left church feeling like a terrible person so why not go as much as you can?

Love. A lot.
The BEST gift you can give to another human is love. Whether it is paying for their¬†lunch or romantically loving them. Love can be expressed in so many ways such as telling someone how much they mean to you or going out and starting someone’s car for them. The world is full of such hatred so spread a little love to people. Be there for someone, listen to someone, never stop telling people how much you love them.

If ever faced with a hard and easy way, take the hard way.
If you aren’t challenged, you are changing. The only way to go through change is to go through challenging obstacles. Anyone can take the easy way out, that’s why it is called the EASY way, but brave, strong, dedicated people take the harder way to gain something out of it. The reward is much bigger when facing the difficult way.

Start and finish projects/crafts.
Paint your entire life away, build your entire life away, draw your entire life away. Making crafts is a great way to relax, express yourself, and pursue happiness. There is no better feeling then putting so much time and effort into a project and having it turn out more than what you ever wanted. It is a great stress reliever!

Take a lot of pictures.
Reminisce on memories and take pictures every chance you can get so you can always remember that moment. Take pictures of your friends to let them know how pretty they are. Take pictures of your family so you can always remember them at every age. Take pictures of the places you go so you can experience it all again when you look at the picture.

Compliment people as much as possible.
Compliments can change a person’s day around so do it! Compliment people as much as you can and make their day. Everyone loves them, and¬†they’re not handed out as much as they should be. So make someone’s day.

Build as many relationships as you can.
Make tons of friends and be there for everyone. Hang out with tons of people and talk to tons of people! Get to know everyone and have them educate you. Crave the human mind.